Breaking up is hard to do.

Two friends of mine who have been dating for a while broke it off yesterday. The event got me to thinking about the dynamics of a breakup, and how utterly strange it is. I can't think of any other interpersonal relationships that include this peculiar ritual. Other relationships end, sure, but usually without the bang. Friendships wax and wane, but rarely do they end with a sudden declaration of, "I don't want to be involved with you anymore." More often they just fade subtly, being quietly replaced with different ones. And with family, even if you choose to end an association with one of them, there's still that business of being related - tough to escape.

I don't suppose there is any way of ending a partnership other than just calling it off, but it's amazing how drastically it can change your life overnight. The sudden change of living situation, the keeping of different company - it's a surreal experience. It's difficult to pick apart the threads that have been twined together for so long.

My mom always said she didn't understand why young people leaped straight into big heavy relationships in their late teens and early twenties. She thought they should be dating and having fun, not tying themselves down. I get it now. Stop trying to grow up so fast, and actually spend some time growing. I finally know what she means, but of course, hindsight is always 20/20. Yet I don't think I'd trade my past, because it's shaped who I am now, and I like who I am. Strong, independent, confident - everything I wasn't at twenty.

I've been through two big breakups along with heaping handfuls of little ones, and from that a couple things have become important to me. The first is that I can handle it. None of them have killed me yet, so if I ever have to go through it again, I know I can. The second is an idea that may sound terrible at first, but hear me out - I don't 'need someone'. I know that we all need people to lean on, and I certainly need my family and friends as much as anyone else. I just like the idea of being okay sans relationship, and I know I could be. That's empowering. I know too many people who need a relationship, and I think that too often that keeps them in the wrong relationship, out of fear of not having one at all. They stay with 'someone', even if it's not the right one, because it seems better than no one.
I prefer the idea of wanting to be with someone, rather than needing. The two words' definitions are intertwined in the dictionary, but to me it's about attitude. It's a lot like the difference between having to do something and getting to do something. Now that I can bring to a relationship a whole, self-sufficient person, I can give so much more. And over time, in a committed relationship, I may grow to need that individual, but it's because of who he is and what we have, rather than just because he is 'someone'. And if I can keep a little want in there too, I think maybe that's the trick.

**Disclaimer: This is a reflection on past experiences, not some sort of foreshadowing of things to come. Luis and I are quite well. :) I don't want any freaked out phone calls... We're great, no worries.**