miss me?

I'm taking a brief break from packing to report that I am indeed alive and well. It's been a crazy month, and Luis and I are taking off tomorrow for a much needed vacation. We're going to divide our time between Seattle and Vancouver, BC. Luis is running a half marathon in Mercer Island on Sunday (we're hoping he doesn't disgrace the family), we've got tickets to see the Seattle Symphony with the Russian National Orchestra on Wednesday, and we're going to The Turn of the Screw on Friday. Should be a great vacation.

Pictures and posts to follow my return to Zoo town.

Missing.

When my uncle was in the hospital I began hunting through my picture boxes and albums for a photo of him. Anyone who knows me knows the fervor with which I wield my camera, but after flipping through thousands of photographs, I came up with just three of Nelson. Three. None of them any good, not one that really even have him as the focal point. I started noticing that lots of people I care about were curiously absent from my photographs; aunts, grandparents, my mom. Why didn't I take pictures of these people? I have tons of photos of my little cousins, my brothers and sisters, and my friends. How is it that I missed some of the most important people in my life? I see the theme now - I photographed change. Acquaintances come and go, little kids grow older, friends get married and have kids of their own. I was so busy capturing fleeting moments that I forgot to take time and appreciate what was constant. I took for granted that people like Nelson would always be around.

More than just football.

87-79 -- Montana kicks ass.

I don't follow sports much, but I love the buzz in the air when the Grizzlies are in the playoffs. The whole town supports the team, and the excitement is infectious.

Go Grizzlies!

Can't sleep.

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated.

You've Been Bit By the Shopping Bug!

You're constantly adding to your wardrobe - and it shows. However, you can show some restraint. You love good deals. Your love of the clearance rack has paid off... You probably have only maxed out card or two, if at all!

The PJ's You Are Most Like: Comfortable PJ's

You're a bit conservative, traditional, and tend to follow conventions. You have an understated, easy sexyness that men love. People instantly find comfort in you, and you're a "best friend" to many.

You are Betty Grable

The ulitmate girl next door. You're the perfect girl for most guys. Pretty yet approachable. Beautiful yet real.

(Quizzes courtesy of http://ynr.blogthings.com/)

A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere...

I have bloggers' block. It's frustrating, because I've come to rely on writing as a way to relax and clear my mind. Since I still don't have any words, here's some from other people...

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps its just imagination
...
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
...
This bridge was written to make you feel smittener
With my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
Can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
I didn't think so but I'm still convinceable
...
You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.

Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh
and know they love you.

And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.

Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh
and know they love you.

sunshine

Today was beautiful. I'm ready for spring.

Missing:

Writing skills.

I seem to have misplaced my ability to string words together in any sort of interesting fashion.

Dang.

Little bit scattered.

Today is the first day I've felt somewhat normal. I'm going to roll with it.

_________________________________________________
Here's some songs that have been on high rotation in my ipod recently:

Coin-Operated Boy - The Dresden Dolls
Overkill - Colin Hay
Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie
Jupiter, the bringer of Jollity - Gustav Holst
Perfect Situation - Weezer
We Belong - Pat Benetar


Here's a partial (yet very long) list of Mandi songs. These are songs that make me feel like me.

Ants Marching - Dave Matthews Band
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
So Very Hard to Go - Tower of Power
Red Red Wine - UB40

Teach Your Children - Crosby Stills Nash and Young
Granny - Dave Matthews Band
God Moving Over the Face of the Waters - Moby
Undone (The Sweater Song) - Weezer
Daydream Believer - The Monkees
Lisa, Listen to Me - Blood, Sweat, and Tears
Got to be Real - Cheryl Lynn
Little Earthquakes - Tori Amos
Shine - Collective Soul
Under Pressure - David Bowie and Queen
Free Fallin' - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Make Me Lose Control - Eric Carmen
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Invisible Touch - Genesis
Spiderwebs - No Doubt
The Power of Love - Huey Lewis and the News
Sweet Baby James - James Taylor
Your Love - The Outfield
Nightswimming - REM
Sell Out - Reel Big Fish
Birdhouse in Your Soul - They Might Be Giants
A Natural Woman - Aretha Franklin
Slow Walker - Bela Fleck and the Flecktones

_________________________________________________

I hope that my boss will still let me have the days I reqested off during spring break. Luis and I are planning another trip to Seattle. Patt is living in the Seattle area, and I'm looking forward to seeing her again. Luis also signed up to run a half-marathon while we're there. If time allows, we'll probably hit Vancouver for a few days as well.

_________________________________________________

There's a guy in my anatomy class who looks just like the Encyclopedia Britannica guy. Also, in my CPR class there's this girl who I've come to think of as feral girl. She's got to be an athlete of some kind, and she's scary as hell. She's very pretty, and she dresses in fitted jeans and sparkly-girly tops, but she's the most aggressive female I've ever seen. She's not mean, just aggressive. She speaks bluntly and forcefully all the time, and she just has this bold way about her. I don't know her personally, but I like to imagine her as a young child. Perhaps she had natural athletic talent, and her parents nurtured the aggressive aspect of her personality by rewarding her for that type of behavior. I'm sure it serves a purpose on the basketball court. She's a scary chick.

_________________________________________________

I have all these thoughts in my head, but I just can't seem to concentrate long enough to really follow one through. Sorry for my scattered posting...

it's raining.

Nelson's funeral is today.
It's not the same kind of sad as when older people die.
He was 57.

My aunt is a pillar. I don't know how she does it. Everyone else is taking turns being an absolute wreck.

We went to the viewing last night. The man in the casket doesn't look like my uncle. My uncle has crinkly laugh lines around his eyes, and round rosy cheeks.

It's raining outside.

It's raining inside, too.

to elaborate...

Sorry about the cryptic message earlier. My uncle passed away yesterday. It's been very difficult, and when I woke up this morning I wrote, hoping to clear my head a little...

untitled

You know that feeling of waking up in the morning? You're cozy and contented, yawnny and stretchy, and then suddenly your head reminds you of the terrible thing that has happened. You feel your insides clench into a tight, painful ball, as though someone is strangling your heart. It's like finding out all over again. The grief starts anew.

Dammit.