March first?

Boy, how time flies when you're in a freefall.

The past few months have been very surreal. I have been mostly unemployed since January 1st (randomly picking up receptionist shifts for my old company when I can), living somewhere new and not going to school. Any of these changes alone would be stressful, but doing it all at once has thrown me way off balance. At times I've almost felt as though I stepped into someone else's life. I've had a hard time getting into any of my normal routines - I haven't been to the gym since I was in Topeka!

I'm going to start back to the gym today. The first of the month always seems like a good time to make changes, and I'm hoping that by getting back into that routine, I will be able to garner some normalcy for myself.

I really miss going to school. I love to learn (though fortunately I'm studying for the NCLEX, so I'm still doing that part), but more than that I miss my classmates. I spent every day with those people for two and a half years, and they really began to feel like a family. I still see and talk to some of them, and everyone passes along updates and good news about one another's lives and jobs, but it's just not the same. A lot of them are working as nurses already, which means long shifts, often nights and weekends. Others are holed up, studying for their NCLEX. And lots of them have scattered, moving for jobs or to be with family. For the first month I felt a dull ache in my chest when I thought back to being in class with everyone. The day before the semester began at the university I even had a dream about being back in school. I think my loneliness was compounded by the fact that I was spending all day, every day at home by myself. It's been much better the past couple of weeks - since I've been filling in more at the office I'm getting some social interaction with old friends and coworkers. I enjoy having time to myself from time to time, but I'm a social person, and I really need to be around people.

The work situation is one that I have little control over, and I'm trying to be patient. I did interview at a hospital several weeks ago, but the first thing nurse recruiter told me was that they had frozen several of their open RN positions due to low census. (Low census is when there aren't very many patients in the hospital. Even hospitals are feeling the economic crunch.) I had a pretty good interview with her, but I haven't heard back since. I don't know if they are holding off still on hiring for that position or if they have filled it. I am trying to put that job out of my mind, and just watch for new ones opening up. Something will work out in time.

I hate to sound like a whiner. I love our new house (and that we can afford it even with me unemployed, thanks to my hard-working (and tenured!) husband), I'm proud of graduating from college, and I'm excited about all the new things in my life. But positive change is still change, so it's still stress. Remembering that helps me be kinder to myself when I feel a little out of whack.