May I just say -

WTF?

There's almost two inches of snow blanketing my car this morning.
Somebody should let mother nature know that it's MARCH 27th.
Knock it off, already.

(I know that it'll melt off in an hour or so, but still...)

Silent conversations.

Today my clinical assignment was to spend some time at a skilled nursing facility that specializes in dementia care. It was strange, because my role was not "nurse" nor "student nurse." I was sent there to visit. Interesting, considering most of the residents have long lost their memories...

What I found, however, was that memory wasn't necessary for a conversation. Nor was language ability, for that matter. It didn't matter what we discussed, or that we talked about anything at all. I had several "discussions" with a woman who speaks mostly in word salads, but we still had a lovely chat. I also talked with a little old lady who speaks quite well, but uses no proper nouns or good descriptors, so I had no idea what she was getting at. We had fun nonetheless.

I think - no, I know - that the important messages in these conversations were still conveyed. Someone sat and listened to what they had to say. Someone sought the pleasure of their company. Someone cared. It's so easy, and yet so few people in our world bother to take the time out of their busy day to spend even five minutes with an older adult. It's not something that I've done much of (hell, I was there because I had to be), but I'm going to. It's amazing, and humbling, and beautiful to sit and be with someone who needs you. I sat and held hands with little old ladies - I looked at my strong fingers interlaced with their crinkled, papery soft ones, and I felt connected to everyone and everything around me. I walked with tiny steps in their world of slow, deliberate movements, and I was grateful for my strength. As they openly admired my youth, I secretly admired their age - the experiences, the insight, the wrinkles hard earned through years of surviving. It makes me grateful to be alive.

(I know I've rambled on about this sort of thing before, but I can't help it...)

Hi!

Busy.

Spring break was week before last. Picked up my wedding gown, booked a florist and a caterer for the wedding. Spent a few days in Seattle.

Working lots. Classes are crazy busy. Erica's in town for just a couple more weeks, so we're goofing off a bunch.

It's finally warming up, so outdoor running is good again.

More when time allows.

In lieu of an engagement portrait:

Artwork by Meg Smitherman.

Trash the dress.

I love the photos that come from trash the dress shoots - I may even do one myself someday. The combination of pristine and gritty or earthy backgrounds makes for great photos.
Check out this beautiful video from stillmotionblog.com of a trash the dress photo session.

We've come a long way, baby.

In honor of National Women's History month..

From the July 1943 edition of Transportation Magazine:

Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees

There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from western properties:

1. If you can get them, pick young married women. They have these advantages, according to the reports of western companies: they usually have more of a sense of responsibility than do their unmarried sisters; they're less likely to be flirtatious; as a rule, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it – maybe a sick husband or one who's in the army; they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.
2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Most transportation companies have found that older women who have never contacted the public, have a hard time adapting themselves, are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.
3. While there are exceptions, of course, to this rule, general experience indicates that "husky" girls – those who are just a little on the heavy side – are likely to be more even-tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.
4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit but also reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job. Transit companies that follow this practice report a surprising number of women turned down for nervous disorders.
5. In breaking in women who haven't previously done outside work, stress at the outset the importance of time – the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.
6. Give the female employee in garage or office a definite day-long schedule of duties so that she'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.
7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be nervous and they're happier with change.
8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. Companies that are already using large numbers of women stress the fact that you have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and consequently is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.
9. Be tactful in issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way that men do. Never ridicule a woman – it breaks her spirit and cuts her efficiency.
10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.
11. Get enough size variety in operator uniforms that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too strongly as a means of keeping women happy, according to western properties.

A much needed break.

This work-free weekend has been lovely. I only had one day off between February 11th and March 1st, and by the end of the stretch I was worn down to the nub. Aside from the cold I have picked up in the last few days, I feel rejuvenated. I needed a break.

I went cross country skiing yesterday with a couple of friends. It's a lot of fun - definitely something I could get into. I have no interest in downhill, but cross country is like hiking in the snow, only with giant slats strapped to one's feet. Beautiful scenery, good exercise.

And only one more week until spring break! Hooray! :)

Lipstick and lace.

I remember seeing commercials on television a couple years ago for the Lifetime movie titled Why I wore lipstick to my mastectomy (based on the book by the same title). I remember thinking that it was a clever title, and that I'd like to see the movie sometime.

This morning as I was getting ready for the day, I thought about the breast ultrasound I had scheduled for right after lunch. Instinctively, I reached for the cutest bra in my undies drawer.

I didn't think I was all that nervous, but when the radiologist came in and said that the lump looked benign to him, I sure felt a wave of relief.

I thought about that movie again this evening. I still want to see it (or better yet, read the book), but I definitely feel like I "get" the title. To me it's about being brave, and identifying with who I am as a woman. Finding a lump threatens to take that identity away from you, and it's important to reclaim it any way you can.

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(Yes, this is a very personal topic - but I wanted to share it anyway. And I hope that the women reading will take this as a reminder to perform self breast exams!)

Assorted babble.

Earlier this evening Erica and I were at her apartment doing a kickboxing workout video together, and we heard this pflump outside... She glanced out through the blinds and said, "What is on my balcony?"
It was a peacock. A beautiful, brilliant, full grown male peacock, perched on her railing.

WTF?

I came home from working out about an hour later, and through the open blinds I saw a giant blue peacock sitting on my balcony. (Presumably, the same peacock that we saw earlier.)

Seriously, WTF? It's mid-February, and I live in Montana.

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I had to work all weekend, and I also had a couple of big assignments due by Saturday at noon. After I got off work on Friday I came home and finished the longer one, and finally retired to bed around 2:00am. I went to work on Saturday morning with the intent of finishing up the second assignment there. Usually Saturday mornings are fairly quiet for the first hour or so - but nooooo, not this weekend. It was complete insanity until about twenty minutes past noon, or twenty minutes after my assignment was due. I scrambled to finish it up, and I turned it in about half an hour late. Naturally, the following two hours at the office were completely quiet. (grumble grumble...)

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Tomorrow is my first day in med surg clinicals. I'm actually a little bit freaked out. Ventilator, nasogastric tube, foley catheter, central venous line, infection, complicated diagnoses with complications on top of that - my patient has it all. I'm sure the day will go fine - I met the nurses on the specialty unit where I'll be, and they were helpful and friendly. But still, it's a lot for my first day.
And next week we have to take two patients.

*whimpers*

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It's been beautiful outside the past few days; mid-forties and sunny. Spring isn't here yet, but it's coming. A week ago yesterday was the first time I noticed it - I went outside in the evening, and although it was quite cold, it smelled like spring. I'm ready for it.

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Okay, enough therapy. Time for homework.

Some thoughts after psych nursing...

After a few weeks in rotation on the inpatient psychiatric unit, here are a few thoughts:

• The people on these hospital units are just like you and me. If you met one of them on the street, you'd never know that they were a psychiatric patient.
• There is a very fine line between mental health and mental illness. Most of us will cross it at some point in our lives. Most of us probably already have.
• Mental health is a continuum, just like physical health. There is not simply "sick" and "healthy," there is a whole spectrum of shades of wellness.
• People who have a mental illness can't just "snap out of it" or "control their mind" as people so often arrogantly suggest. You wouldn't tell a person with diabetes or congestive heart failure to just "get over it," would you? Nor should you with a person who has depression or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. They all have underlying physiological causes which need treatment.
• Your physical body is intimately connected with your mind. Poor physical health can contribute to poor mental health, and vice versa. Take care of yourself. Sleep. Eat well. Exercise. Avoid excess.
• Stress is a huge precipitator for mental health problems, just as much as it is for physical health problems. Manage your stress well.
• People who are at higher risk for mental illness are those who have poor coping resources and poor coping skills. Resources include things like family and social support, financial stability, knowledge, and spiritual beliefs. Coping mechanisms are the behaviors that are exhibited by someone in response to a stressor. They can be constructive or destructive. Generally, constructive coping mechanisms are defined as actions that help you resolve the stressor or problem. Destructive coping mechanisms help you to cope with the anxiety and stress, but do not help you to find resolution to the problem itself - they only serve to help you evade the problem.
  Think about your responses to stress - prayer, a cigarette, eating food, to-do lists, complaining, retreating, a long run, aggressive behavior, a cocktail. In my mind, an action alone can't be defined as constructive or destructive, but rather it's related to the situation. For example, a nice run is therapeutic and a great stress reliever for me. It helps me to unload the physical tension that builds when I've got a lot going on in my life. This is a constructive coping behavior. However, when I go for a run instead of writing the paper I have due, it's functioning as a destructive behavior. It's worth giving some thought to how you cope, and evaluating how those behaviors are serving you...
• Life is a beautiful, delicate balance. Be good to yourself, be good to others.