Sleep has been eluding me some recently, probably at least in part to the inordinate number of thoughts tumbling around in my little head. I find that the thoughts which bring a mixture of emotions are the hardest to escape. (One that does it to me every time is the thought of going back to my hometown - excitement at the thought of seeing my family, but dreading the whole flying thing. Ick.) One of my current mixed-emotion mind-bogglers is the fast approaching start of my nursing clinicals. I've been excited about it for a long time, but now that it's nearly upon me a little bit of trepidation has creeped in too... Also, I'm starting back in my old job at the urgent care this week, and although I'm relieved to have a steady source of income again, I'm hoping that I haven't taken on too much... In class this past week we learned how to do an abdominal assessment, which rereleased torrents of thoughts about my uncle, who died in February from peritonitis and sepsis caused by a horribly botched gall bladder surgery. I drift between lividity and aching sadness at the memory... Last night I glanced at the clock for the last time at about 1:30, while thinking to myself how much 6:00am was going to hurt. I'm not gonna lie - I hit the snooze for 40 minutes.
Phew. All better. Perhaps now that it's all down in print I can dismiss the thoughts from my head for a bit.
For all my restlessness last night, I still had a really good day. I filled in at the reception desk on the internal medicine floor at the clinic, which is always fun. Most of the patients there are older adults, and I get a kick out of them. For lunch I went to the bagel shop, which is one of my favorite places in town. This afternoon I got to chat a bit with my old boss, who I love but rarely see anymore. After work I made a brief shopping stop and bought (another) gray cableknit sweater. Yay for big cozy sweaters... When I got home a couple of fun emails were waiting for me - one from my friend Heidi from high school, who is working on putting together our ten(!) year reunion, and another from my friend James, who is kindly consenting to hang out with me this weekend for the Halloween festivities, since Luis will be busy... All in all, a lovely day.
Eegad, this is a jumbled post. Sorry for the lack of paragraphical orderliness. Oh, and sorry for the emotional flip halfway through. I've actually felt very bouncy and cheerful today (as is often my disposition), but somehow when I started writing my worries down they just wooshed right out, so I went with it. Free therapy, I guess... thanks, I owe you one. :)
4 comments:
I always find externalising my worries makes them seem less intimidating, even if it's just writing them down or telling someone. Worries are like possessions, they will expand to fill any space allowed to them. If they're put on a piece of paper or a blog post they lose much of that power to take over as they've been contained in a place where you can stare them out.
I hope that you feel better soon ... and I agree that writing may help you work through the feelings you've had.
Reunion? Hmm. Since Mary's reunion, I've been on the fence about ours, although I'm leaning towards no.
Mr a - I agree. Sometimes just getting them out of the confining space of your mind is enough.
Cortney - Thanks for the thoughts. :)
About the reunion, I'm actually sort of looking forward to it! I don't know quite what to expect, but I do think I'd like to see who turns up, and find out what everyone has been up to... I'm big on nostalgia. I know reunions don't appeal to everyone, though. Did Mary have a bad experience at hers?
I think Mary had a good time at hers; she rather enjoys those sort of things.
I always felt like such an outsider at THS (I should tell you about running into a THS student here at CMU) and so I'm on the fence about going and being an outsider yet again. But knowing that you are thinking of going makes it sound much less painful!
One thing Mary did mention is that the crowd was mostly white -- so perhaps your friend, Heidi, can do a good job of letting all the alums know!
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